Meditation Progress -- Week 4 (The Slump)

Okay so like I'm not going to complain and be all whiny thinking I'm bad at this, when really, I'm still starting out, so I have a lot to learn. And considering I'm learning all this from books, I'd say I'm doing pretty good. But no, I did not meditate at all this past week and barely did yoga, that was in part to being interrupted by the maintenance guys and there being a leak outside our apartment but it should be mostly fixed and all they have to do next week is fix the tile. Luckily I don't have library duties next week it being thanksgiving and all. So I should be able to meditate and do yoga next week once they are gone. I know this is probably a lesson on how I should just be able to do it despite the interruption. Its a must, not a should. I've pushed it back into a should box, when really its a must. And I haven't been watching hoop videos like I should. I need to get back into doing that.

But yes, things should be back on track soon! And I will have my focus back and more lengthy blogs lol. Until then. This is what I've got. So, yeah ...

Star signing off.

And Yoga joins the Dance --Meditation Week 3

I am completely in love, so in love with yoga. I aspire to live my life yogically! I realize that I need yoga in my day now, it was like a pandora's box, that once you start, you get hooked and you need it like a drug. I almost went without it yesterday and it messed up my entire day. I've also went without meditating too. But I'm having trouble meditating because my dad is here, but he's going to be off sick all week, so I gotta get used to it. But I guess I can think of it as a good contrast or something, character building.

But I added yoga to my meditation practice in a way. The most difficult part is the breathing. Its like being aware of your breath. I breathe really shallow on reflex, so its challenging to intend myself to breathe deeper and more fully. Pranayama. Its especially hard to breathe in downward dog pose. And cobra pose. And I'm not sure I am doing warrior pose or triangle pose correctly, something tells me I'm doing it wrong, but I'm going to look out for a different yoga beginner's youtube clip to guide me. I've been using Yoga Journal with Jason Crandell. There are two different 15 minute segments that I found by him. One is easy with just stretching and one downward dog pose, the other is more intense with all those other poses I mentioned before, cobra pose, warrior pose and triangle pose and all that. I need some blocks, and a strap or belt, my belt is too short, and Daddy said I should use my jumprope, but I think a strap is better, a belt is better, cause its wider and won't slip from my foot.

I've been switching the music with my meditation, but I'm going to try to go back to just using Om Namo Bhagavate Vasudevaya next week, that one is what I started out with. So maybe I should just stick with it. Though I sing along with the mantra, I will have to tell my dad to not disturb me.But hopefully my voice is quiet enough that he won't even notice. Like I was on the phone last night with my mom and he didn't hear me, at least I didn't think he did.

There's a yoga station on Pandora, so once I get my muscle memory trained in the poses I can start doing yoga without the guide of the youtube clips, which would be wonderful because I have to wait for Micah (my computer) to warm up so youtube won't be choppy and keep buffering in the middle of the clip and such. So yeah. Pandora tends to load quicker. I may download spotify soon, and make sure my anti-virus works first so it won't hurt my computer, a friend said that nothing is hurting his computer and he's downloaded spotify.

But I'm a yoga girl now. It does wonders for my mood, and I just love it. You can be spiritual with it and everything. I can build an altar, a vastu (sacred space), and I can learn to work with energies and chakras and everything. Its great, its sooo perfect for me. And I'll be starting my hoop dancing once I get my hoop for christmas or hannukah. So I'm getting in gear and getting in shape ! Its great!

Star out.

Meditation Progress -- Second Week In,

Well, this time I tried to meditate in the shower twice, and it was a little distracting, couldn't focus properly. I tried different, none mantra songs. Some songs by SJ Tucker, and that helped my focus a little. I'm still having some issues with monkey mind, I mean if I think about it, I think I only really nailed it like one time during these two weeks. But I'm not going to stop. I'm going to make this a ritual. Along with studying martial arts, and doing yoga, since there are clips on youtube for it. Makes me happy.

But the male aspect of my shadow self has appeared, he has many names, I feel, but he gave me a new one, which is weird. I think I'm realizing who I project my selves through as far as my roleplay characters are concerned. Oh and I found another totem. Turtles! So I have a turtle totem and a leopard totem. Woots!They make me feel good about myself.

I've also come to realize that I need more expression of my gender issues. I need to talk about it. I need to talk with others who understand what I'm going through. I need more genderqueer/gender fluid and transgender friends. Friends I can have deep conversations with about everything, even if it gets borderline tmi. So, I'm going to browse the social networks that I'm apart of and see if I can find more. I think that's part of meditating to one of the SJ Tucker songs, it tapped into my libido or something because it was one of those songs you could dance erotically to.

So, I'm hoping I will have more gender outlets and gender fluid friends. I do not know if I will ever fully transition, its scary to think about. And part of me likes my biological gender, so its all confusing.

Anyways, that's my second week in.

Star over and out.